Hurt....

I'm still on a "sad mode" , I try to just brush the thing that's bothering me off yet like a shadow, it's won't leave me until I'm kept in the dark. . .

The reason: I was stupid enough to commit the same mistake ('tangina, di na ko nadala!)

Anyway, I met this guy on-line. We used to just talk over the phone and text once in a while. Then finally we decided to meet and he went over out place. I expected him to just stay for a couple of hours and yet we might have enjoyed each other's company too much that he stayed from monday night and went home wednesday around 7pm.

The whole time, all we ever did was stay in my room, eat, drink Milo with creamer, hug, kiss, * * *, magkulitan, sleep, etc. I would leave him alone in my room just to prepare food, make him his milo, or go to the john's, etc. The point is, i was with him almost the whole time. . .

The days we're together, i thought i was just enjoying his company since we share a lot of things in common plus the fact that i made a vow not to fall for someone as of the current time so as to stay focussed with my current goals. And yet after he went home, I started missing him, I thought of it like a hang-over. . . that soon it will go away but it didn't, so I invited him to come over and told him I'll cook tuna pasta for him like I promised in one of our conversations.

Honestly, I was excited and yet here's the sad thing. . . while I was buying stuff needed to cook the freaking pasta, he texted me. . . I was with my bestfriend then but I try not to show him how I felt when I read the message. . .

"Pwede ba magsama?" as I read it, I didn't know what to say but anyway I replied "sure, sino ba 'yang kasama mo?"

"Bf ko, hehehe!" the exact message. . . i don't know but I feel hurt, still I just answered back saying "sige I'll see you and your bf tomorrow" and I don't know why. . .

Then finally, the day came, i cooked pasta, tidy my room, then he texted me saying that they may be late. . . i told him ok I'll just wait for you and your bf then he texted back, "i wish!" and they arrived 30 mins late with half a gallon of ice cream.

I served the pasta, they said they liked it, then ice cream. . . i was not able to eat, (i just don't feel like it) then we stayed in my room for nearly 2 hours just lying in my bed, the three of us chatting. . . but the thing is, I really felt jealous, all the time I'm restless, I was feeling more insecure as moments pass, I felt like it's one of the longest 2 hours of my life. . . and then it hit me, I'm falling for the guy. . .

Sadly, I felt that he liked that other guy, I don't know, I may be paranoid or something but now, I don't know what to do. . . I don't know how to finish this entry so I guess I'll just think things over and get back on this one...

''When You Say You Love Me''

I listen to this song, I guess too much lately. It makes me feel really melancholic, in a way that everytime I hear it, I felt caught up in a reverie of the past when I was loved by someone. I actually miss that feeling, that state of bliss and somewhat overwhelmed disorientation (if I may put it that way) when one says ''I love you'' to me. But the thing is after loving a couple of times and fail, I learn to fear loving. I now wonder why something as good as love must go with a package that includes pain? Why must one end up hurt when one loves? I try my best to believe that ''Amor Vincit Omnia'' (Love Conquers All) but I just cant help but think that it may just be some crap that one classical poet quoted and everyone was made to believe it. Now I feel sad that I have to be this pessimistic towards love. I dont know how to finish this but I guess Ill just have to listen to this song until I find the courage to love again and find someone who would love me true . . .

"When You Say You Love Me"
(Josh Groban)

Like the sound of silence calling,
I hear your voice and suddenly
Im falling, lost in a dream.
Like the echoes of our souls are meeting,
You say those words and my heart stops beating.
I wonder what it means.
What could it be that comes over me?
At times I cant move.
At times I can hardly breathe.

When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me
For a moment, there's no one else alive

Youre the one Ive always thought of.
I dont know how, but I feel sheltered in your love.
Youre where I belong.
And when youre with me if I close my eyes,
There are times I swear I feel like I can fly
For a moment in time.
Somewhere between the Heavens and Earth,
And frozen in time, Oh when you say those words.

When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me
For a moment, theres no one else alive

[bridge:]
And this journey that were on.
How far weve come and I celebrate every moment.
And when you say you love me,
Thats all you have to say.
I'll always feel this way.

When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me
In that moment, I know why I'm alive

When you say you love me.
When you say you love me.
Do you know how I love you?

(Originally posted on Friendster 06052005)

Followers

Powered by Blogger.