My Mentor

My mom is not just the most important person in my life but also served as my mentor. I grew up without a father and she raised me on her own. She was my first teacher who taught me how to read and write even before I started schooling. She introduced me to the world of books that brought me to places I never thought existed. She taught me how important reading is and how it can broaden your horizon.

As I was becoming a bit older, she became my adviser and my tutor in the social graces. She also opened my eyes to the intricacies of human relations and how to navigate my way through them. She is well versed in the art of diplomacy and even politics. The lessons I learned from her on this avenue helped me avoid unnecessary conflicts with the people I deal with and I believe is one of the reasons why I was always chosen to lead groups and organizations I participated in.

When I graduated in College, she taught me the importance of loving my work while maintaining a healthy life-work balance. She had me read books on management and insisted I learn how to manage my time efficiently. Lastly, she became my financial adviser teaching me to live within my means and learn to save for the future.

I did have other mentors (who I all respect and adore) but I can definitely say that among all of them my mom is on the top of my list.

"Sempurna", Madz sang it Perfectly

"Sempurna" is an Indonesian pop song originally by Andra & the Backbone. Then Gita Gutawa made a cover for the movie "Love" which was arranged by her father and popular musician, Erwin Gutawa. I never knew about this song until I heard the Philippine Madrigal Singers sing the choral version for it arranged by Ily Mathew Maniano (which I think is based more on the version of Gita Gutawa). They first sang it in their concert at the Festival Paduan Suara 1st Institut Teknologi Bandung International Choir Competition in Indonesia.

I saw 2 videos of them on YouTube singing the song but the video and audio quality is not that clear that I just moved on to the next song without finishing it. Until I watched their "All for Love" concert at the CCP last Feb. 12, 2011 and with the heavenly voice of Ms. Kitbielle Pasagui singing the solo, I fell in love with the song. Since then, I can't seem to forget about it and I would wake up some mornings with the song playing in my head.

I had a more profound appreciation of the song when I got the translation of the lyrics. "Sempurna" means "Perfect" and I think the song lives up to its title and when the Madz sang it during the concert, they made it sound DIVINE! 

SEMPURNA                                              PERFECT

Kau begitu sempurna                                  You are so perfect
Dimataku kau begitu indah                          In my eyes you are so exquisite
Kau membuat diriku                                   You make me want
Akan slalu memujamu                                 To always adore you

Disetiap langkahku                                     In every steps I take
Kukan slalu memikirkan dirimu                   I will always remember  you
Tak bisa kubayangkan                                I could never imagine
Hidupku tanpa cintamu                                Living my life withou your love

Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku                  Don't ever leave me
Takkan mampu menghadapi semua            I can't go through life without you
Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa                 I could only if I were with you

Kau adalah darahku                                  You are my blood
Kau adalah jantungku                                You are my heart
Kau adalah hidupku                                   You are my life
Lengkapi diriku                                         You Complete me
Oh sayangku, kau begitu                           Oh my love, you are so
Sempurna.. Sempurna..                             Perfect... Perfect

Kau genggam tanganku                             You grasp my hand
Saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh                   At times when I am weak and down
Kau bisikkan kata                                    You whispered words
dan hapus semua sesalku                          And drove all my worries away


the french term for the Italian: Rinascimento which was derived from "ri" meaning again and "nascere" "be born".

I totally forgot about this blog, I know it still exists but never found the time to write anything. The last post I wrote was about the death of my youngest sister's premature born child and along with it this blog was buried in the ashes.

I started shifting my attention to my job and it slowly took all my energy leaving none for creativity. I slowly and unwilling entered the dark ages. Until recently, events that transpired made me realize that life is too short and I realized I'm already "living to work "and not "working to live". I decided to quit my job and try out free lance work.

Now I think the dark ages are over and its time to signal the renaissance for this blog and my life in general. I am now on my way to living my life the way i wanted it to be and how it should be.

It may be difficult at first but I know once it's my decree, the universe will agree...

Song for Caressa May

August 26, 2007
You were brought into this world before your time. You came out feet first, not wanting to show us your face right away, wanting to surprise us with such astounding beauty that doesn't belong to this world. Words can't express the happiness we felt seeing you alive...and yet a profound sense of sadness knowing that you may not stay long with us.
We pray fervently for you to survive and you did your part extremely well, you fought bravely for your life. Such small hands reaching out to your mother, wanting to tell her everything will be fine, wanting to show her she has reasons for wanting to come out early.

August 27, 2007
"Alleluia... May flights of angels sing thee to thy rest."
You stayed with us for such a very short time but your beauty shone brightly, deeply embedded in our minds and kept safe forever in our hearts. May you bring with you our love (overflowing) in your heart.
"Alleluia... Remember me, O Lord, when you come into your kingdom.
Alleluia... Give rest, O Lord, to your handmaid who has fallen asleep."
May the Blessed Virgin cradle you in her arms and let you sleep in her peace while she gently sends you to her son's embrace to receive the promise of eternal joy in His kingdom. May you rest in the infinite goodness of our dear Lord and maker.
"Alleluia... The Choir of Saints have found the well-spring of life and door of paradise.
Alleluia... Life; a shadow and a dream."
May God, the source of all things good, fill you from the spring of life and allow you to play freely in the garden of Eden...
"Alleluia...Weeping at the grave creates the song: Alleluia...
Come, enjoy rewards and crowns I have prepared for you.Alleluia..."
As you become an angel in God's heavenly domain, may you watch over us until we see each other again...

.::In Memory of our dearly beloved departed angel, my niece, Caressa May Ranara (August 26, 2007-August 27, 2007)::.

Incessant II

in constant search
for something that seemed
ever absent. . .

trying to reach
to someone who seemed
ever distant and indifferent. . .

Always longing
for some warmth that grows
ever so cold. . .

still looking for answers
to endless questions that would forever
remain a mystery. . .

all for nothing. . .


I'm always searching,
never finding
continously seeking
it goes unending. . .

I'm always searching,
found no beginning
I'm still remembering
all the lost meaning. . .

I'm always searching,
seem to loose everything
all my dreams shattering
as loneliness keeps conquering. . .

I'm always searching,
never finding
I'm gradually fading
all for nothing. . .

(Dado Chronicles 01/28/2000)


I grieve,
hear me,
comfort me,
hold me,
hear my anguish. . .

'Cause I'm falling
gradually dying,
save me,

I'm almost down. . .

My heart bleeds before you
I can't stop crying,
my tears overflows,
help me I'm drowning

I lost control. . .

I grieve,
you smile

I fell,
you soar high

my voice is fading,
my inner voice resounding,
I screamed. . .

haven't i?

You can't hear me begging,
I wonder why?

(Dado Chronicles 08/18/1999)


And like a gentle flower it bloomed,
then suddenly, the gloom...
as quick as the ray of light,
a light that pierced through the depths of darkness
that swept its flesh

as sweet as the next rose,
guarded by its thorns,
slowly falling like the leaves of autumn
that signals the coming of death to the seasons...
it lies and withers...

oh, how can such beauty finds its doom!

Death vol. 2

Adolescence saw the dawn of the decline of my fear. The raging hormones that brought about rapid physical changes along with the busy school schedule helped me forget about my fear. There were times that I still give in to this fear but thanks to Bayantel, who made phone lines readily available for mass consumption, I was able to cope with it easily coz now I can call friends and we chat all night ‘til we both feel exhausted and fell asleep as soon as we hang-up. No more time to think then. . .no more dreams. . .no more nightmares. . .

Third phase over. . .

transition. . .

It was a time for young adulthood. Now I faced the reality of death. People I know, people I cared for. . .those I call my friends. . .people I don’t expect to go that soon. . .all succumbed to death.

At this point I began to ponder about death. . .its mystery. . .its beauty. . .its purpose. . .

I tried to understand the reasons why I fear death. . .and found none. . .then I stopped thinking. . .and then I stopped fearing. . .

understanding. . .

When I was offered work abroad, somehow I was thrilled by the idea. . .but the thought of leaving home filled my heart with sadness. I thought of the people I will have to leave. . .I thought of my loved ones. . .I thought of our plans together. . .I can’t bear the thought of missing out. . .Even for a moment. . .what more for two years. . and then I heard that voice, calling from the darkest regions of my inner self. . .the familiar voice that brought me nightmares and sleepless nights. . .

Then I fell ill, trangkaso. . .as I lie in bed burning with fever, I began to think about the probability of death. And surprisingly, I felt not even the slightest hint of fear. . .But then I remembered my family, my friends, everyone I love. . .then suddenly I felt fear, it came so gently, like a soft breeze. . .that suddenly blew harder. . .and colder. . .that froze my every thought. . .that paralyzed my ever muscle. . .

and the realization hit me. . .all this time I thought I fear death itself, but now I know the real source of my fear. . .

I fear leaving my loved ones; I fear losing them. . .I guess I have this tendency to be extremely attached. . .that I can never let go (or I’m just afraid to let go?). . .

I fear death. . .I fear its capacity to separate me from the people I love. . .I actually fear the separation. . .

Death vol. 1

I used to fear death, or should I say, I thought I fear death.

In my early years I would stay awake at night, invoking the protection of the highest powers . . . importuning their grace to allow my soul to stay on my earthly body. In my plea, I usually include an unending list of reasons why I deserve to have another day. . .then after I enervate myself from praying, I would hug my Lola tight and I won’t let go ‘till morning comes.

It was the fist phase. . .

As I grew older, my fear took on a different form. I now fear the death of my loved ones. I would implore the mercy of our creator to keep them safe from harm. I developed this habit of always checking to see if they’re alright, especially when they’re sleeping. I would check for indication of life by means of observing their breathing. I would observe them for a minute or two and when I see a regular intake and release of breath, I can breathe easily myself and express my gratitude to God.

This fear would haunt me not only on my waking hours but even in my sleep. It turns even the most pleasant dreams into nightmares, then. . .I’ll wake up crying and unable to sleep again.

Second phase ends. . .



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