.::Final Distance::.

I went somewhere far today after my shift to meet someone. I spent almost two hours traveling and while on the road (maybe due to lack of sleep) I came to a weird realization. I just realized that in our everyday existence, we are governed by distance and that the main purpose for our existence is to overcome that distance.

In everything we do, we try to breach some kind of distance but more often than not, we fail. In the laws of Physics, no two objects can occupy the same position at the same time, thus, in the physical sense that distance is ever present. Im sure everyone would wonder where am I arriving at but I just felt like it is a sad reality that distance is the driving force of our everyday existence. Being far from the people we love physically is a sad experience but imagine if it goes to another level. In my job as a call center agent, I noticed that we all want to be seated next to the person we like or feel really comfortable with and when get seated apart from them, one way or another, we feel miserable. Same and more perhaps with our special someone, we just cant get enough of them and I definitely agree with the Corrs in saying that everybody is searching for intimacy.

In every relationship we had, it is not a question of whether we love the person or not, but whether we grow close or apart from them. Dont we most of the time use statements like we have grown apart, were living separate lives, etc . . . to describe a relationship that failed? And sometimes we so love the person but the distance between you two have grown so far that you cant find your way back to him?

Ever wonder how one so close, together almost every minute, doing almost everything together, sharing almost everything together and loving each other more than their own life but could simply say goodbye. I guess Distance just grew stronger between them.

But what is worse than having someone near you, physically there, holding you, kissing you and all that but his mind and heart is somewhere else? What is worse than being separated from than person in that manner? Would you still be willing to pursue and still run to that person in a desperate attempt to win him back and breach the distance between you two, even if that person seems to be running away from you? And if you went that far for him but he is running faster and you were not able to catch up, and you ran so far for him but still got left behind, where would the road lead you then?

I hope Im making sense, I cant get my thoughts well organized, Im distracted by customers calling (sisihin daw ba callers, kasi sa work ginagawa blog---sabi ng katabi ko:)

Having loved someone and failed brought me to this path where Im just surrounded by distance . . . I tried to breach distance and engage in a relationship but somehow it doesnt work . . . it just made me realize that the distance between me and love itself have gone to somewhere that seemed to have gone beyond my reach . . . thus, my FINAL DISTANCE . . . (posted 062705 on friendster blog)

Inside that I cried

Im really not in the mood for a blog or whatever. Im just here at work, taking calls, not really listening to a customer blabbering on how she doesn’t get what she is paying for, busy contemplating why I should be taking calls when I have a slight fever and my tonsils are like ripe cherries ready for harvest but then, like a thief in the night, a familiar voice (Bulak) stole my senses with her singing of a song that I thought long gone coz I havent heard it for ages. It was right on cue, the cold air brought the song gently to my senses, all the other voices seem to drown with the melody of the song, that all the other people taking calls seem to move to background and the sound they create from talking to their own customers seemed muffled and somehow create a subtle harmony for that sad melody, my customer is about to end her tiresome litany of nonsense and I think was asking me something…But the song seem to slowly unlock a part of me long dormant . . . like a ghost it sends shiver though my every cell, like an undertaker with his shovel forcefully unearthing an emotion long buried and forgotten yet to my surprise survived--strong as it was when I first felt it . . . and I was caught on a state of dreamy disorientation (if there is such) and gave me dead air and a low QC score if ever my call was monitored since the customer may have been saying . . . are you there? for I dont know how long now.

Gladly I submit to every note, like a potent poison invading my every vein, every word seemed like a beautiful flower . . . after flower dropped on a sweet flowing stream that leads to a waterfall where it meets its final doom.

A song from Cece Penison that I last heard when my first tear fell because of the pain that love inflicted upon me. A song, no, a prophesy that I heard yet never gave notice until I realized that when again love moved around my corner bringing a lover that soon would leave...it brought me not to that path where it leads you to a river of tears yet just there staring, in the middle of the road, wondering why this time IT WAS INSIDE THAT I CRIED . . .

''Inside That I Cried''
The talks we had on stormy nights
I often rushed away
When you were not in common sight
I was held by your embrace
I gaze and see the pain you feel
To think we had to part
I didn't feel you loved me
So I played games with your heart

CHORUS

It was inside that I cried
It was inside that I cried
No long drawn out speeches
No sad tear solves goodbye
It was inside that I cried
It was inside that I cried
Don't be deceived by what you saw
It was inside that I cried
You treated me just like a queen
For me that wasn't enough
You showered me with expensive things
But I found a new love
Mistakes I made were fatal ones
Finally I see you cared
I can't undo what has been done
Now I need you, and you're not there

CHORUS

BRIDGE

No more prayers to make for tomorrow
Our time has slipped away
I feel so helpless
There's nothing I can do or say
To make things better
It was inside that I cried
It was inside that I cried
Nolong drawn out speeches
No sad tear solves goodbye
It was inside that I cried for you
Now you're never coming back for me no more
Oh baby I know that I was wrong
So you left me all alone
Don't go
Don't be deceived by what you saw
It was inside that I cried